The point I want to make today is about assuming prejudices among different groups. While people of color, or "minority" have plenty of reason to assume that the "white majority" is at times less than wholly accepting, keeping these assumptions will not take us closer to universal acceptance. While I do not agree that we should forget the past and all wrong doings should be erased from memory, but we should learn to forgive in order to move forward. Its like the saying forgive, don't forget. More than 50 years later, I do not want to be clumped in with racial whites of the past.
A quick story to emphasize my point. I work at Charleston's in Norman as a server. I see many different people all day-shapes, sizes, and colors. I love my job in that I have an opportunity to have interaction with people from different backgrounds and I get different perspectives on life. That and I have to deal with some very infuriating customers, which has tested my patience on more than one occasion. One day, I had a family of four come in, an African American family. I went and greeted them and can honestly say skin color was not my first impression. I remember this table very specifically and I will tell you why. The first thing I noticed was that the daughter was wearing a dress I owned and the son was listening to an IPod. He looked about 11 and was maybe going through the "i'm too cool to be at lunch with my family' stage. I greeted the table said the usual " Hi Im Lauren and I will be taking care of you." Before I could get their drink order the man, I am guessing the father, said "Do you have any black servers, if I am going to spend money here I want good service. Not half-ass service from a white girl." I did not really know how to respond, I was in shock. I told them I could offer them just as good of service as I would anyone else and they had no reason to assume any different. A few short words with the manager and the family left. When my manager and I refused to give into THEIR prejudice, they were asked to leave.
We can't say that all prejudice is towards those of minority, or those of color. That day opened my eyes to something awful. Being the victim of prejudice made me feel unsettled. My ability to do my job, as well as my moral value of civil rights was questioned in a ten minute period.
Just like you don't want to be clumped with the racial whites of the past, I can only speak for myself and those I personally know when I say it is the exact same for us black people. It's almost like every black person is the same to some people, well those exhibiting prejudice, no matter what they look like; whether it be a suit and tie or baggy clothes. For example, I was a waitress at Chili's, and I actually got stuck waiting tables for the large party black families because my manager felt that they wouldn't act 'a fool' if I were to serve them. Like all black people act that way. One case in particular was the party of I think seven black people when my manager asked if I would be OK to serve them, when my section was already full, because they look 'ghetto' and I could handle it. Then she threw in that she would compensate for the tip that she knows they won't leave. She never did that with white people, nor did she ever offer to compensate for the tip I didn't get from some large party of white people. Back from my tangent, in the case of the black people you encountered, they were absolutely wrong, and I must say I learned something from your story. When a white couple asked me not to serve them and to speak to the manager (the one that didn't always put me with large parties of black people), my manager came to me and asked if I wanted to give up the table, which meant giving up the money, and I asked why, and she was frank with me- I'm black. Instead of going to the table and reassuring them that the service would be no different, I gave it up and just traded tables with the girl that served them, and came out with a really good tip (more than what the couple gave her). I should have done what you did and tried to let them see that not all black people are rude to whites, just like you did with the family. But, welcome to the world of experiencing the prejudice. Make effective changes and decisions from it, that's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting blog because it opens up the idea of forgiveness. When I was in high school I had a major crush on one of my friends who happend to be Native American. I asked him out on a date and he told me no because his family would never speak to him again if he even thought about dating a white girl. He was serious too, he would literally be cast out of his family if he dated me. I was shocked but at the same time I kind of understood. I just wish things didn't have to be the way they are sometimes.
ReplyDeleteEver wonder why that family may have asked for a different server in each of the instances. Read through your comments.
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