I like to think that I am an optimist to the max. I have been through many years of my life were glass half-empty ruled my way of thinking. I am glad to come out on the other side a more positive person. Like Dean Evan's suggested, I had a goal list, a life plan, a VERY DETAILED path-whatever you want to call it. I had the same goals and dreams from when I was two years old and they never changed. I wanted to be a dancer, not just a dancer, a famous one. The kind of dancer that made a difference in the art and entertainment world. I was well on my way and I worked my ass off. I gave up a normal childhood and went well into junior high with a less than social existence. Dance was my life and I was going to make it big time. Here is the part where my life path took a long hard detour. Growing up, my home life was less than perfect, just like many other people in this world. Around my sophomore year of high school, right when my dance training became its most important, I developed an eating disorder. To this day, I can't pinpoint where my brian snapped, but it was over. For four years anorexia ravaged my body and mind and needless to say, my dancing career was no longer possible.
Lucky enough I graduated high school and got into OU. School here is difficult for me. Rehab is not always the best high school setting- I did not learn as much or gain enough insight to what college academics would be like. However, I do just fine for myself. So I got into OU but it didn't matter to me. I wanted to dance but I no longer could. I did not have the strength to train or the basis of technique anymore. I became a "normal" college student, and I hated it. When Dean Evan's spoke about knowing your role at OU today, I feel as if he was talking to me. I still struggle with that daily- I have no clue why I am important here. I am a PR student(like the rest of the world) who makes mediocre grades and USE to be a great dancer.
So staring at a wall for 30 minutes trying to decide my life path is a horrible task to me. I can't even relax enough to take a Yoga class, much less contemplate a future I have no clue what I am doing with. Here is what I came up with. This next year I want to finish school and move somewhere I can have a transition from college to adulthood. I am not sure if I will start a "career" yet, just something to do with PR. Ideally, I want to end up in Austin, Florida, California (if it is still there) or Atlanta doing something with arts and entertainment. I do not care about money, I just want to enjoy what I do. Ten years from now I will just now be settling down with someone. I plan on 30 because I guarantee it will not happen before then. Taking some time after college to find out who I am without every title I have had is something I think is necessary for me. I also want to see who I am living on my own, supporting myself, with no relationship to define me. I want to also be settled into a PR job doing entertainment or art gallery work. Twenty years from now, I want to be in the same field, maybe in a different location. I always wanted to end up in Austin, Texas. It is close enough to my family but far away from what I grew up around.
So while the biggest problem I feel I face is not dreaming big, its knowing that making plans does not set you up for disappointment. Its easy to call myself a dreamer-because that I am, I tell myself everyday eventually I will be a Victoria Secret model. It is hard for me to grasp that plans change and while now I am only a "normal" college student, I am far from ordinary.
Your courage is commendable. Thank you. Ordinary is overrated.
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